Everyone loves a party, right? The social time, laughing, maybe some fun games, maybe some drinking, seeing old friends. What’s not to like about a party? Well, if you have to deal with someone that has a personality disorder, a party can suck. It can suck before the party even begins. Let’s explore, a bit, how different personality disorders act at a party and how it affects those that are with them.
The problems with the Narcissist start way before the party and most people never see these problems. The Narcissist may lecture you and tell you they don’t want to see you flirting with other people like you did last time. They warn you to not interrupt them if they are talking because everyone thinks you are rude and doesn’t want you around when you do that. They may tell you to watch how much you drink because you act so stupid when you drink and they are tired of putting up with it and the other people at the party always pity the Narcissist for what they have to deal with.
All of that is just to make you question yourself and your actions, to make you feel sub-par and compliant. It’s all so that when you are at the party you don’t enjoy it as much as the Narcissist and you will always look to them for approval on what you are doing BUT you will leave them alone so they can shine and be the center of attention.
Chances are, you didn’t do any of the things they accused you of. in fact, the Narcissist may be the one actually doing those things and so will think that’s what others are doing.
At the party, they will go around to whatever group seems to most important at the time. They will call the attention to themselves, talking and laughing, but always keeping an eye on you. If they see you going to the buffet table, they may come up and whisper that you sure won’t drop those last couple pounds if you keep stuffing food in your mouth like that. They may add something about how everyone thinks they are a pig for eating so much.
They will probably flirt terribly but laugh if off if confronted. They will tell you that you are overreacting and you always try to ruin the party for them. This will happen over and over again until you truly believe you are wrong, they aren’t flirting, and you are a terrible person for even thinking the Narcissist could be flirting with someone else. They may even so enrapture who they are flirting with, that person may look down upon you just based on what they are being told by the Narcissist.
If you start talking to someone you can be sure that the Narcissist will be right there, interrupting and pulling you out of it. If you talk to someone of the opposite sex, even if you’ve known them forever and they are married, you’ll get accused of flirting and cheating. Eventually, you’ll avoid talking to people at the party. You might even avoid going, yet the Narcissist may still go, and enjoy every minute of the party.
After the party, no matter what they did and how good the party went, you’ll be accused of doing everything they thought you would. It may be completely false and only in their mind, but they will harangue you until you apologize and really feel like you did it and made the mistake.
The Borderline Personality is a bit harder. They may do some of the same things the Narcissist does because they feel insecure in the relationship and feel you need controlled and kept in check.
They may fantasize about how great the party is, how much fun they’ll have and the great people at the party. This may make you feel good and feel like you may have a good time. Inevitably, something will happen to shatter this for the Borderline Personality. It may be something that is confounding and something that most people wouldn’t think twice about, but to the Borderline Personality, they may have been insulted or laughed at or any of a number of things. They may storm off crying or lash out yelling. The mystified looks on everyone else’s face is a good clue as to the overblown nature of the Borderline Personality’s spectacle.
If you leave the Borderline Personality’s sight, they may come looking for you, angry because you didn’t tell them what you were doing or where you were going. Whether it’s to talk to someone, get some food, or just wandering around.
The Borderline Personality will complain about how others aren’t getting them and purposefully shunning them. They may want to leave early, even if you are having a good time. Heck, they might not even come, saying the host of the party doesn’t like them or the people at the party aren’t their friends. They may try to get you to not go either, saying just the two of you will go do something. The Personality Disorder may lavish tons of attention on you at this time to get you to feel so overwhelmingly loved that you’ll not go to the party and leave them. That you love them more than anyone at the party.
At the party, if someone says something in a friendly, teasing manner, the Borderline Personality may take it as an attack and an insult and go into a tirade. They may cause a spectacle of themselves yelling and maybe throwing the glass they are holding. They are likely to storm off and if you don’t follow and agree about how right they are, even if totally wrong, you will get another temper tantrum aimed at you.
The Histrionic may actually let you enjoy the party. While you are enjoying it, they may be making a big spectacle of themselves. That alone may hamper your enjoyment as you anticipate some outburst or downfall.
You may see the Histrionic being loud and drawing attention to themselves. They will be with one group, laughing the loudest and then yell out to someone in another group. Histrionics may flit between groups and repeat this pattern.
At some point, someone may argue with them and challenge their statement on just about anything. That’s when the fireworks will show up. The Histrionic may explode and cause a burst like you haven’t seen – since the last time they did it. Even if they weren’t being challenged, they may think they were with the same results. They will argue with high volume because they are more right than anyone else and you need to realize that. They really think they know better than anyone else and will throw a hissy fit because they were challenged on it.
It may then take several people and quite a while to calm them down, which is more attention they enjoy. If you say anything to get them about overreacting, you are the bad guy and target of their vehemence. You are wrong and they will browbeat until you are submissive and they’ve proven. it.
You may not even want to go to the party if the Antisocial is there. You know that their actions will cause problems at some point.
Any social norm that is observed by normal people will totally be ignored and missed by the Antisocial. If there is a line for food, they’ll just push their way in, no matter what. If it’s a free bar, they’ll probably overdo it before dessert. And alcohol can make their actions even more grating.
After being there, you will probably notice them hanging on someone of the opposite sex – even if that person has a date and that date is right there. The Antisocial will be offended if someone gets mad about these actions as they don’t understand what the big deal is.
When talking with others, the Antisocial will twist every conversation into one about themselves and how hard their life is and how much they’ve gone through. They won’t like to interrupted or questioned on what they are saying, it should just be accepted and everyone should commiserate with them. If there are people at the party that know the Antisocial, they may be able to tell you how much of the story is not correct or even outright lies, but the Antisocial will defend their story to the end. they would rather give up a friend than see and admit that they aren’t relating a true version of history.
There you have it. Examples of how each of the types of personality disorder act at a party (narcissistic, borderline, antisocial, and histrionic). If you are dealing with someone that has a problem, it’s a good chance they exhibit traits from more than one. You can talk to someone about the problems. Don’t let your PD dictate and keep you away from others, they may just be trying to make sure you don’t see the truth about their problems.