Read an interesting article that had 14 psychologists talk about and describe a narcissistic patient. Read the article, there are several things mentioned that many of us have noticed with our narcissistic ex.
Now, I do not know if these are comments from actual psychologists and if the article is true. But the comments seem to mirror what I’ve heard many others say about their ex, whom they believe to have narcissism.
I wanted to point out some of the things mentioned and what I and others have said about our ex.
#1 God he is an asshole
How many times have you thought that about your ex? Seems that is a common thought about someone with narcissism. Just like they don’t ‘get’ normal people, we don’t ‘get’ them. I’m sure others have had to deal with a narcissist that creates some facade and will go to great lengths to support it. We can see that it’s fake and false, but others are fooled. If you then say anything, you look like the problem.
#2 Everything is the fault of others.
Right? Isn’t that what you always hear? A narcissist won’t apologize for their actions, they will deflect and blame it on someone else. They have more burnt bridges behind them than they have friends in front of them. Chances are, any friends in front will be burnt bridges tomorrow. And it will be blamed on the friend, not the narcissist.
#3 Every patient I’ve treated for narcissism has no idea
OMG! I beat my head so many times while in court and mediation with this. The court only sees them a little bit, so they are easily fooled by the narcissist. If you say anything, you are the one with the problem, and the narcissist will definitely play that up. Since the narcissist truly believes they don’t have a problem, you are stuck.
My example was that if you had a guy on the psych ward of a hospital and he’s standing in the corner with his hand over his chest declaring that he’s Napolean. He truly believes he is Napolean. Going up to him and telling him he’s NOT Napolean will not change his mind or fix it. Everyone else can clearly see that he’s not Napolean, but there isn’t a way to fix it. The difference with that example and a Narcissist is that not everyone else can clearly see that someone is a Narcissist.
4. Eventually, they will realize that ‘when everyone you meet is an asshole, you’re probably the asshole’ applies to them.
This psychologist refers to treating a Narcissist as playing a game. Show of hands – how many of you have referred to trying to get through court against your narcissistic ex as playing a game?
7. Unfortunately, our society often allows them to become much more successful than they are qualified to be.
That kind of sums up what it’s like fighting them in divorce court, doesn’t it?
8. The common problem with narcissists is that they inherently don’t believe that they should have to change.
If they don’t think they have a problem and they don’t think they have to change, how hard, then, is it to be the ex-spouse and having to deal with them? People not in that situation don’t realize this, which makes the job even harder.
9. The way you usually handle it is by playing their game, for lack of a better word. You talk about all those ‘stupid/idiot/asshole’ people who’ve ‘done them wrong.’
Again, playing their game. Goes on to say that most narcissist don’t realize they even have it. That’s a common comment and part of the problem. When dealing with divorce court, if the person doesn’t think they have a problem, then they don’t.
This psychologist also says that they don’t think NPD is treatable. I believe this. The best you could hope for is that they learn to recognize the problems, but that is highly doubtful. Maybe someone that has less narcissistic tendencies, lower on the scale.
10. THEY don’t have any problems; it’s everyone else who has a problem.
Again, same same same comments
11. Others are just supporting actors in the show that is ‘their life.’
Yup, and the minute you try to fight against that or you recognize that, they turn on you. They will focus on making your life miserable and destroying you. Even though they are the one with the problem, you shouldn’t have made them aware of it or poked their illusionary world.
14. Issue at hand: Patient has delusions of persecution, frequently believes people hate them and treat them unfairly as a result.
As long as you go along with their illusions of the universe being how they view it and it revolving around them, you are fine. If not, then you are the bad guy, you hate them, and you’ve made their life horrible and done things to hurt them. You probably haven’t except maybe to not put up with their crap any longer.