In many areas of our country, when men go to court for a divorce, it’s like stepping into a minefield.
I know many men understand and can agree with that and many women are right now making nasty comments below. Before even reading the rest of this, let me ask why? There seems to be an overriding sense in our country that when a couple get divorced, the man moves out and starts paying tons of alimony and child support. He does this so hopefully he can see his kid(s) a bit on the weekend. If he doesn’t have to work to afford the alimony, child support and court costs that is.
The above sounds prejudiced to some. The problem is, it’s closer to the truth than people may like to admit. Many men feel that they don’t get fair treatment in divorce court and that everything is designed to work against them.
That’s exactly how I felt going through divorce. I have described it as, it feels as if the court has a checklist. This includes: wife gets kids, father pays tons of money, if father is good he might be able to see the kids some. As long as they can check those off, things are good. The minute you buck the system and fight against their ‘checklist’, you get labeled a problem and everything seems harder.
An example – going to mediation for the first time the mediator asked my ex if she felt comfortable with being in the room and if she needed an advocate. I asked if I could have an advocate and was told no, you don’t need one.
This type of thing makes it very easy for the other party to take advantage of the system. Don’t want to follow the rules, oh well. If you want anything done, you need to pay a lawyer, pay the court fees, and file to go back. Once you do this, and the other party realizes there are no consequences meted out by the court, they feel free to do and act any way they can. Especially if they have something like narcissistic or borderline personality disorders.
I felt it was just me, until I started talking to many other men that had the same issues. Instead of feeling alone and defeated, I started to feel like maybe all these problems weren’t just me. After searching around, I found a website dedicated to supporting men dealing with these issues.
Divorce is one area that men are treated more unfairly than women. This may not be in all areas of the country and this may not apply to all divorces. There does seem to be a significant amount of unfair divorces where the men are definitely the ones getting treated unfairly. And yes, I realize that there are also divorce where the man is a POS and deserves everything he gets. That doesn’t mean every man does.
So, yeah, I felt trapped and needed some sort of support. That’s when I found:
I found quite a few divorce support websites, but they catered to women. Don’t get me wrong. I know that there are problems for women going through a divorce. I know the guy may deserve any hardship he gets. But not all cases are like that and not all men deserve it. It seems that the feeling that men get the upper hand still pervades yet the court has changed its ways. Unfortunately, that has meant a total flip-flop, and now the women get the power and can do anything and the guy is made to suffer without reason.
If you understand what I’m talking about, go to http://www.shrink4men.com and join the forums. If you disagree with what I said, that’s your right. There are plenty of support websites that you would like, feel free to go to one of them.